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  • Rhonda Love

I Quit Being A "Pastors Wife"


That’s right, I quit “being” a pastor’s wife. It’s just a title and besides that, I could never ever live up to what I thought the expectations were.

My unrealistic idea of being a pastor’s wife was a beehive hairdo which I sort of mastered in the 90’s with the Texas hairstyle. I got over that quickly when my kids came along.

I sensed a pressure to present myself as one who had it all together at all times; while it might have looked impressive, I was exhausted. If you know me, you are fully aware of how much I do not have it together and I am ok with the whole world knowing it too. I actually screw it up on a daily basis, if not hourly.

Perhaps some, not all, pastors wives are performers. I performed my duty while at times internally seething with anger, hurt, and loneliness about issues going on in the church or in our home.

Then came the day I decided to quit. I had made up my mind, I quit being a pastor’s wife that day! It’s as vivid in my mind today as though it happened yesterday. I can recall every little detail right down to what I was wearing while I was working in the yard by myself on a quiet Saturday morning. It appeared that I was pulling weeds when indeed I was on my knees begging God for a specific thing. Weeping, I asked Him to show me how to love those who were hurting my husband. To love them in action, not in words only. This would be a miracle from God because deep down I really wanted to dislike them, be mad for days and get even. However, I refused to allow anyone to hinder my relationship with Christ. (Funny thing, as I write this blog I don’t even remember who they are).

I got up from where I was working and went on about my day, nothing had changed, nothing at all. I dreaded going to church the next day because I didn’t want to fake the emotions and all that lovie dovie crap. I wanted the love of Christ to overflow from my heart in truth. I went to church and here’s what happened next: the situation did not change, those people did not change but Jesus Christ changed my heart! I walked through those doors and my heart was about to explode with a love I had not experienced before. Christ answered my prayer that day, in His timing. That day I no longer desired to be the “pastor’s wife” I only wanted to be God’s daughter and that is more than enough for me. Of course, I’m still tagged with the title but that title does not make me who I am! I am who I am because Jesus Christ said I’m His daughter first and foremost.

Below is a list of who He says I am. Take the time to work through it and let Him confirm in your heart who you are in Him too.

I am...

  • loved 1 John 3:3

  • accepted Ephesians 1:6

  • a child of God John 1:12

  • redeemed and forgiven Colossians 1:14

  • complete in Jesus Christ Colossians 2:10

  • free from condemnation Romans 8:1

  • chosen of God, holy and dearly loved Colossians 3:12

  • a joint heir with Jesus, sharing His inheritance with Him Romans 8:17

  • a Saint Ephesians 1:1

  • a new creation because I am in Christ 2 Corinthians 5:17

  • established, anointed, and sealed by God 2 Corinthians 1:21

  • I do not have a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind 2 Timothy 1:7

  • seated in heavenly places with Christ Eph 2:6

  • I have direct access to God Ephesians 2:18

  • chosen to bear fruit John 15:16

  • one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house 1 Peter 2:5

  • I have been given exceedingly great and precious promises by God by which I share His nature 2 Peter 1:4

  • I can always know the presence of God because He never leaves me Hebrews 13:5

  • God works in me to help me do the things He wants me to do Philippians 2:13

  • I can ask God for wisdom and He will give me what I need James 1:5

To Him ALL Glory! Amen!