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  • Rhonda Love

Confessions of a Pastors Wife~ I Hate...


Conflict! I dislike it more than anything. It brings turmoil and steals my happy. Conflict is more than a disagreement, it's a sense of threat whether the threat is real or not it continues to brew when it's ignored.

There was a time I avoided conflict because I didn't know "how" to conflict. This is what it looked like: "I'm fine..." pretending everything was ok while seething with anger. Attempts to discuss the situation was potentially explosive; it seemed easier to ignore and hope it would go away. Once anger reaches this level it's difficult to diffuse. We respond to conflict based on our understanding of the situation, we're not necessarily rejecting the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life experiences, culture, values, and beliefs. FYI anger isn't kept tucked away y'all it's obvious in our behavior. Actions DO speak louder than words.

Conflict triggers strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict successfully. After years of turmoil I made the executive decision to figure out the process of resolving issues with self control. With the help of God I've learned we can disagree and solve it without a cleanup committee! Word of caution: just because you want resolve doesn't mean all parties involved want the same thing. I experienced this when I sensed a lady was mad at me, gave me the cold shoulder and would not accept my apology. To this day I have no idea what happened years ago to make her hate me. I tried, I did not fail, I moved on.

Conflicts are opportunities for Christ-like humility and spiritual growth. When we're able to resolve conflict in a relationship we build trust. It's a relief to know our relationships can survive challenges and disagreements.

The goal for followers of Christ is diligently keeping the unity of the Spirit with the peace that binds us. (Ephesians 4:3 HCSB)

"Pride and passion break the peace, and make all the mischief. Humility and meekness restore the peace, and keep it. Only by pride comes contention; only by humility comes love. Peace is a bond, as it unites persons, and makes them live friendly one with another. A peaceable disposition and conduct bind Christians together, whereas discord and quarrelling disband and disunite their hearts and affections. Many slender twigs, bound together, become strong. The bond of peace is the strength of society."

Matthew Henry

Conflict resolution: STOP

S self control ~ diffuse the situation by reeling it in before you unravel.

T time out ~ put yourself in time out and calm down . Time out is not long term either.

O Overcome conflict by addressing the issue but DO NOT attack the person.

P Pray! it is the most powerful tool we possess. Prayer changes us.